I am a priest

Three years ago I believe that I had the gifting (at that time I would even use the language “calling”) to become a pastor. This might only seem natural given the fact that my father and his father were pastors of a dedicated group of believers. This being said, I decided to study literature, journalism, and culture at a secular, liberal university to understand the world as best as I could before I began pastoring individuals.

At that time in my life and still today, I was well aware and truly frustrated at the number of pastors, priests, etc. that study in a Christian high school, Christian undergrad, and Christian graduate school to then be in a church all their lives. What do they know of the world? Obviously this is a harsh question but one I still ask.

My thoughts since that time of my life have developed immensely. And I must be honest, my thoughts dramatically changed from the first night at university. God (if he/she is "up there" or all around here) will have to throw a pretty big brick for me to be a pastor. Now I believe I have the character, education, communication skills, heart and grit to love people well and to be loved by people, but my heart no longer desires to have such a position. And to be blunt, I am not sure if I believe in the role. We all are pastors, priests, preachers and even the pope. However, I will leave televangelists to a very select group of people. We all are not one of them. Thank God.

All of this said, today, something happened. It was a moment that made me laugh out loud and enjoy true irony for all it's worth.

Today I presented Wallace Stevens and his works to my Modernism seminar. A major concept that is attributed to him is the theory of the “Supreme Fiction.” The Supreme Fiction is the replacement of the belief in God for a belief in something else. Stevens believed that fiction (poetry) was worthy believing in.

In his essay Opus Posthumous, Stevens states:

“The relation of art to life is of the first importance especially in a skeptical age since, in the absence of a belief in God, the mind turn to its own creations and examines them, not alone from the aesthetic point of view, but for what they reveal, for they validate and invalidate, for the support they give.”

The poet or more broadly, the fiction writer is someone who describes and presents the relation between art and life within his/her works. The poet and what he/she creates becomes and replaces the thought of God.

In the same essay, Stevens makes several more statements that might clarify his thought.

“The theory of poetry is the theory of life.”

“The final belief is to believe in a fiction, which you know to be a fiction, there being nothing else. The exquisite truth is to know that it is a fiction that you believe in it willingly.”

“Reality is the spirit’s true center”

This final quote might stick out to a critical eye. If Stevens does not believe in a higher being, why would he use the term “spirit?” The word spirit for Stevens is the essence of the world. This essence is defined by the tension and interconnectedness of humanity and reality and the mind and soul (inner psyche) to name a couple.

However, answers do not come this easy. The poet will always have “a never-resting mind” ("The Poem of Our Climate”) as he/she attempts to speak of this essence. The uncertainty, yet, desire for Stevens to search for the connections between the different facets of the world is seen throughout all his works and is never quite found.

Yet, Stevens is a firm believer of the poet being the creator of the world because the poet presents that essence. Because poetry is the “theory of life,” the role of the poet (according to Stevens) is to “help people live their lives” (The Noble Rider and the Sound of Words.) Due to the replacement of God with poetry and the duty of the poet, the poet becomes the middleman or middlewomen between the world and the human.

Thus, “the poet is the priest of the invisible,” the priest of the world and the priest of reality (“Adagia”).

And again, I laughed out loud when my mind linked Stevens calling for all writers of fiction to assist people to live their lives to an ironic re-imagination of the word pastor.

I am a writer and lover of fictions. I am a seeker of the latent things of this world.

I am a priest.